We all have those times where we think back and wonder how our life would have turned out if we had done things differently.  Recently, I had this hit me like a ton of bricks.  Out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever.

I was driving to work one day, listening to music when all of a sudden I remembered one New Year’s Eve where I was blown away.  Let’s start with the background:

My father was no saint, I love him with all my heart, but the man was a horn dog when he was younger.  I didn’t realize it then, but that is the reason why I met so many new women when I was a teenager.   One of these women had two children, a daughter my age (13 years old) and a son that was a few years older than me.  I was at the age where I was starting to think that boys were cute and he was cute.   He paid some attention to me, but not any more than he did his sister’s other friends. 
I feel horrible about this but I do not even remember his name now.  He did not really seem to seek me out, just was nice to me when I was over.  He did nothing to make me think he thought I was anything special.
They moved away not long after and, of course being a teen, I lost contact with his sister.
Two or three years later, I have a boyfriend (ended up my husband and father of my oldest son) and I am at work.  Looking forward to the next night which is New Year’s Eve and a party that we planned on attending.
I hear the door to the restaurant open and heard someone talking to my co-worker.  She comes up to me and tells me that I have a visitor.  Walking around the counter, I see him.   For some reason, I burst into tears.  He asks me to sit and talk to him for a bit, so I take my break.  It seems that he is back in town for a visit and never forgot me.  He asked around until he found me and wanted us to go out that evening.  I told him that I was with someone, but that we had a party the next night and I asked him if he would like to go with us.  Remember that I was only 15 at this point and never gave a thought to his feelings.   He accepted.  I let my boyfriend know and we picked him up to take him.
This party was a typical East Texas party with teens.  You know, drinking, bonfire, shit like that.  All night, he would stand directly opposite me over the fire and stare at me.  Nothing out of line, and I really never even noticed.
At the end of the night, we took him back to where he was staying and at one point, my boyfriend pulled over so they could get out and pee.  He asked me to hold his beer saying something to the effect of wanting a beautiful woman to hold his drink.  I never thought anything of it.  When we dropped him off, he looked at me for a long time and said good-bye. I

I never heard from him again.

So, I am driving to work, when I start thinking about this.   Did I, being a young stupid teen, lose out on something that could have been great?   I love my husband and children, but what would my life have been if I had actually paid attention to the man who, after 3 years, went through the trouble of asking around to find me?  He barely knew me, but he wanted to enough to look for me.
Did I really screw myself out of something that could have been perfect?
I will never know now, but it has been weighing on my mind.