Sunday, February 26, 2012

Random programming

Random programming

Back in December I mentioned that I would occasionally be posting random thoughts on questions I have found on other blogs.  This is one of those times and it pertains to those I have let slip away for no other reason than…well many reasons that I will go into.

I have to say that I am not the best at keep in touch with others and it is a horrible thing that I let this go on.  It is due to this that I have no close friends and it sometimes makes me sad.

I have a friend that was a very good friend in high school.  For many reasons, after school we drifted apart and although we are now FaceBook friends, it is not the same.  I don’t know if it was the difference in our personalities that time brought to light or what, but it happened and I can’t seem to make it right again.  She recently had a health issue and I could not bring myself to let her know that I was thinking about her and hope things got better.  I was apathetic and I hate that.  Does this make me a bad person?  A bad friend for sure, but a bad person?

The other ones really get to me sometimes.  I was one of the founding members of a coven in Wisconsin and we no sooner got things off the ground than people started moving.  I miss every one of the members, but two in particular I find myself longing to have time with all the time.  These two wonderful ladies were my best friends and even though we all had busy lives while we lived in the same town, knowing that they were close by was a comfort.  Now, there are 1200 and 1300 miles between us and I feel every mile at times.

I don’t make close friends very easily and the “loss” of these two weighs heavy on me when I have need of someone to listen to my rantings and to give me a hug and say that things will be better.  I find myself close to tears just writing this.  I know that I could make more of an effort to reach out to them, but our schedules are all so screwed up that I hate to bother them in what could be the middle of their night.

I know that I need someone to be there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on and sometimes I can’t go to my husband because it may be something little he did that caused my feelings.  I am not talking a huge thing that we need to talk about to keep things on track, but the little irritations that just simply get to me at times.  You know, the way he leaves his coat hung on the back of his desk chair instead of hanging it up.  Things that won’t break us, but that I need to vent over.  I don’t have anyone to go to and complain about things with and I feel that emptiness acutely.

That is one of the reasons I started this blog.  The Lycan does not want to read any of my blog because he feels that it is my outlet because he knows that I have no one.  He doesn’t even read it when I post on of his guest blogs on here, he asks if there are any comments, but that is about it.  So, I use this as the occasional bitch session and make do.

Wow did I go off course or what?  LOL


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