Sunday, January 19, 2014


I know that it has been a while since I was on here and I apologize to those who will read this.  I felt like I had no direction and no ambition to do much of anything.  I am struggling about whether or not to go on and finish my degree, my daughter has gotten herself into a situation that makes me just want to beat her over the head with something, I need to lose weight for my health, and I have come to a crossroads with my spirituality.

I only have my capstone project left to complete my Masters degree, however to do this I must put in 125 hours of my own time.  I have no problem with this except this means that I must use vacation hours to this.  I am not certain that I can arrange that many hours.  Do I do it one day at a time, or take a week in the beginning and a day here and there afterward?  Obtaining this degree is simply for my own benefit as the organization I work in does not compensate for advanced degrees and I do not anticipate moving to an area that would.  Eventually it may open some opportunities for advancement into upper management, but nothing in the immediate future.  

My daughter has a bad habit of making questionable decisions in regards to her personal life and I feel somewhat responsible for this.  I know that my younger years were not marked with outstanding decisions, but I have tried to pass along the knowledge that I gained from the experiences to my children.  It seems that I have failed miserably.  She continually takes up with men who are less than desirable, who treat her badly, and could care less about her.  She professes to know this, yet she always goes back.  I am at the point where she does not contact me, but contacts the Lycan and I hear about things from him.  Sad thing is, I am okay with that as I feel I cannot muster up the energy to deal with her on these things.  Our conversations inevitably end with me telling her that she is a big part of the problems she accepts their treatment of her and I will no longer help her out financially.  I will not offer her to come stay with us because that ALWAYS leads to the Lycan wanting to leave as he feels my loyalty should be to my children.  I tell him (and myself) that she is a grown woman and makes her owns decisions so she should take responsibility for those decisions.  But, I still feel like an ass.

My weight loss efforts have not gone well at all.  I have gained back the majority of what I lost earlier last year.  I find myself not hungry, yet eating because I know I need to keep my blood sugar up.  I have a major issue with textures in my food and it follows no rhyme or reason to it.  Potato chip crunch is okay, but  onion or pepper crunch is not.  I know a lot of it is psychological, yet I cannot overcome it.  The Lycan has tried to fool me, but is baffled as to how I can tell when there are onions in a dish.  It is not the taste that gets to me, it is the textures.  More on that (eventually) on my other blog A Witch Melting.  

I have felt a calling recently to do more research into a path and I am hoping that gets me back into observing some form of structure in my spirituality.  I have contacted a group that follows a Hellenic path as Hera has made herself known to  me so clearly.  I am hoping that they can recommend some credible site or books so I can do some more research.  If anyone here has some, that would be appreciated as well. 

I am also going to try my best to post here more often, I feel like if I can get more into something active as opposed to just trolling I will accomplish more.  Thanks to all who are still following me and hopefully I will not disappoint. 

No comments:

Post a Comment